Awake
by LordLanceahlot
Summary: On the night before Clark leaves for New Krypton, he lies awake watching Lois sleep, all too aware of the fleeting moments he has left with her. Inspired in part by the Josh Groban song, Awake.


Last night I went to a Josh Groban concert and experienced the well... experience of a lifetime. He was amazing and he even surpassed my high expectations. And anyway, one of the songs he performed was called Awake, a bonus track on his recent album that I had never heard. It was beautiful, really tragically beautiful and I immediately thought of Lois and Clark the night before he left to go to New Krypton. So this is where this vignette takes off, after the curtains close in the scene from Big Girls Don't Fly from season 3.

* * *

A sliver of a breeze sliced through the open window of Lois Lane's apartment, encompassing the room and its two silent occupants in bed. Clark gently tugged the blanket past Lois' shoulder where it had slipped and drew in a shaky breath.

The soft sounds of Lois' muffled sobs against his chest still resounded excruciatingly in his mind, even as he tightened his grip on her waist in a futile effort to pull her closer. She was flush against him; one delicate leg between his, his hips to hers and her head nestled on his chest and yet the contact still wasn't enough.

They had stayed up for hours, talking about everything and nothing. Between the meaningful declarations of passion clouded promises and the mindless comments of exhausted minds, it had become evident to Clark that they were just speaking as a way to prolong their contact— both emotionally and physically. And finally, when the words had eluded even Lois, they had kissed.

Their kisses had ranged from frantic to languid, each one desperately trying to convey what their words had been unable to adequately express in the limited English language.

He had been trying to be strong for her. It was as deeply engrained in his psyche as the functions necessary to maintain his body. Keep Lois safe. Be her hero. Do not make her cry. But he had failed on at least one of the counts. Seeing her tears—and worse, watching her trying to hide them from him—had been as nearly gut wrenching as any exposure to Kryptonite he had ever endured.

He wasn't sure how he was going to find the appropriate will to leave her, and indeed if he would ever really be whole again. But despite his selfish, frantic thoughts to steal Lois away, Clark knew he couldn't. The choice between Lois and the fate of his barren rock of a homeland had been agonizing.

But what had prolonged his torture was the fact that he had known his answer deep in the recesses of his heart long before he had ever admitted it to himself. As intensely engrained in his heart as it was to love Lois, it was simultaneously bedded with the instinctive drive to protect. And there was no way that he could ignore the pleas of a nation, even if it meant the loss of all things dear to him.

And when faced with the dilemma he had only wasted days weighing choices he knew he had no right to ignore. There was a big picture here, but right now he could only fathom his world, the tangible, extraordinary world he and Lois had created together.

Clark was brought back to the present by Lois' slight movement. Her forehead creased as her expression faded from a small smile into a grimace. A nightmare. Loathe to wake her, Clark rubbed his hand comfortingly on her back, placing a gentle kiss on the faint worry lines in her forehead.

She visibly calmed in his arms and Clark settled in again, fighting exhaustion. Sleep was not an option. Sleep meant the harsh coming of daylight and he wasn't prepared to let these precious moments slip through his fingers so readily. He would lay awake committing her features to memory.

Being invulnerable, Clark had never given proper deference to time. He had never idly wondered when he would exhale his final breath. He had never considered how precious and fleeting an instant really was. But these last moments with Lois were meant to be savored.

Clark ran his eyes for the millionth time in an hour over her supine form. The eyes that held such quicksilver emotions, the mouth she had used to both soothe and aggravate him beyond measure... All encompassed the enigma that was Lois Lane, the mystery he had always delighted in exploring further. She was a constant source of wonder and amazement to him and he wondered, not for the first time, how he had been so incredibly lucky.

The first glimmer of daylight imperceptibly colored the room from black to gray, and a tear ran down his cheek as time slipped further from his semblance of control. He thought to perhaps blink the tear away and close his eyes to prevent more from falling, but he banished the thought as soon as it occurred to him.

There were precious few moments left. He needed to stay awake, wide awake. He needed to run his eyes over her face one more time. He needed to spend time pretending his moments were endless. He needed to continue loving her in the only way he knew.

And so he would stay awake.

* * *

This the main part of the song, if anyone is interested. I'd post the whole thing, but I'm pretty sure ff. net has a rule about that somewhere.

Awake, performed by Josh Groban

A beautiful and blinding morning  
The world outside begins to breathe  
See clouds arriving without warning  
I need you here to shelter me

And I know that only time will tell us how  
To carry on without each other

So keep me awake to memorize you  
Give me more time to feel this way  
We can't stay like this forever  
But I can have you next to me today

If I could make these moments endless  
If I could stop the winds of change  
If we just keep our eyes wide open  
Then everything would stay the same


End file.
